Moving a parent to assisted living · the sibling checklist

Before you start · agree on the frame

• Level of care needed, now and probably in a year. Independent living, assisted living, memory care, or a facility with all three on one campus so your parent doesn’t have to move again.
• Distance from which sibling. Pick the sibling who’s going to be the local point person and build the search radius around them. Thirty minutes’ drive is a real line · an hour away is where visits start getting rare.
• Monthly cost ceiling. Figure out what your parent’s income and assets will cover sustainably. In most of the US, assisted living runs $4,500-$8,500/month, memory care runs $6,500-$12,000/month. Many parents can’t cover that forever, and siblings often top up the gap. Decide now what gap you can carry.
• Non-negotiables for your parent. Private vs shared room. Pet friendly. Walking distance to a window with a view of trees. One grounded non-negotiable from your parent carries more weight than a dozen inferred preferences.

Weeks 1-2 · research and shortlist

• Get a list of 10-15 facilities in your target area from your parent’s doctor, a local geriatric care manager, A Place for Mom, and the state licensing database.
• Check each facility’s most recent state inspection report (public record · search the state’s health department database).
• Pull in reviews from Google, Yelp, and families you know. Weight local word-of-mouth over listings.
• Narrow to 4-6 real candidates to tour.
• Call each candidate and get: pricing (base + care levels), waitlist length, community fee, pet policy, and whether they have memory care if your parent might need it later.
• Log every call and every quoted price in the SplitKin chat so the AI builds the comparison for you.

Weeks 3-4 · tour, then tour again

• Visit twice. Once by appointment, once unannounced · ideally at a different time of day. The second visit is where you see what the place is really like.
• Eat a meal. The food is a daily thing for the rest of your parent’s life there. If it’s bad, your parent will tell you, and nothing else you did will matter.
• Talk to a resident. Not one the facility picks for you. The facility coffee lounge, the garden, the hallway. Ask them one thing: what do you wish was different.
• Ask about staff turnover. A caregiver turnover rate below 50%/year is remarkable. Above 80% is a bad sign. Ask directly: “What’s your annual caregiver turnover?” and watch the answer.
• Ask about care-level changes. What happens if mom declines next year? Can she stay in the same unit with more care? What’s the price difference? If their only answer is “we’d move her,” that’s a cost and a disruption you’ll pay later.

Weeks 5-8 · paperwork, legal, finance

• Confirm the facility’s medical assessment is scheduled and know what documents they need (medication list, immunizations, recent H&P from PCP, TB test).
• Review the admission agreement with an elder-law attorney if the facility isn’t accepting your parent’s doctor as the care authority, or if the arbitration clauses look aggressive.
• Confirm your parent’s financial POA is current. If it’s not, this is the week to update it.
• Confirm Medicare and any supplemental insurance details with the facility’s billing office.
• If long-term care insurance applies, call the carrier >30 days before move-in to understand claim timing.
• Set up automatic monthly payment and confirm who’s on the invoice (your parent, or a sibling fronting for them).
• Log every one-time cost in SplitKin as you incur it so the monthly settle-up is accurate.

Weeks 9-12 · the move itself

• Measure the room. Make the floor plan. Furniture that fit in your parent’s house won’t fit · plan what’s coming vs what’s being donated or stored.
• Book a mover that specializes in senior moves if your budget allows · they’ll unpack, set up the bedroom and hang pictures. Worth it.
• Pack a “first week” bag with meds, phone charger, favorite blanket, favorite mug, photos. Deliver before the full move so the first night isn’t among boxes.
• Change address with Medicare, Social Security, pensions, bank, pharmacy, and any mail subscription that still matters.
• Transfer prescriptions to the facility’s pharmacy if they use one, or confirm your parent’s current pharmacy delivers.
• Plan the first week of visits · at least one sibling visiting daily for the first week helps enormously.
• Give it three weeks before you panic. Everyone cries in the first week. The real settling-in happens around week 4-6.

Where SplitKin fits in all of this

• The chat captures the work in motion. “Just called Sunrise, 3-month waitlist.” AI logs the call, the facility and the follow-up.
• The task list stays current without anyone maintaining it. “Will book the medical assessment Tuesday” becomes a task with an owner.
• The Decision log holds the big calls. Facility selected, moving date, what furniture goes, how we’re splitting the gap. In three years when someone asks why we chose this facility, the answer is right there.
• Expenses stay even. Deposits, movers, assessment fees, first-month rent, the aide the first week · they’re all captured as they happen. Settle up at the end of each month and nobody is quietly in the red.

Try SplitKin with your siblings