SplitKin

Templates & tools · 7 min read

Free Sibling Caregiver Agreement Template (and How to Use It)

A ready-to-use written agreement between adult siblings sharing care of an aging parent. Covers who does what, how to split costs, how to resolve disagreements, and how to update the agreement as things change. Free, no email required.

By Leandro Puca7 min read

Most sibling caregiving falls apart quietly, in small ways, because nobody wrote anything down. One sibling thought the other was going to call the pharmacy. One assumed the hands-on sibling was being reimbursed somehow. Nobody meant to leave anything unsettled. It just never got settled.

A written agreement doesn’t solve everything, but it solves most of what quiet drift creates. It gives the family a shared document to point back to when memories differ. It gives the sibling doing the most work something to lean on when they need to renegotiate. It makes the unspoken, spoken.

What follows is the template we recommend. It’s free and under no copyright. Copy it, change it, make it yours. It’s not a legal document on its own · if you’re drawing up a formal personal care agreement with payment terms (common when siblings pay the caregiving sibling for work the IRS might view as taxable income), run the final version by an elder-law attorney. For most families, this agreement is simply a shared understanding, not a contract.

Before you start · what to decide

Before anyone fills anything in, the siblings need to agree on a handful of things. Have the conversation in person or on a call. Then one person drafts, everyone edits.

  • Who is actually in the agreement (just siblings, or spouses too? grandchildren who help?).
  • Who has decision-making authority for medical and legal matters (named in the parent’s POA).
  • How costs will be split (equal, proportional by income, or hybrid · see our full cost-splitting guide).
  • How often you’ll meet to review things (monthly works for most families).
  • What triggers a renegotiation (significant decline, major new cost, one sibling’s life changing).

The template

Fill in the italicized sections. Keep the structure. Delete sections that don’t apply. Add sections that do.

Family caregiving agreement

For the care of [Parent’s full name]

Dated [Month, Day, Year], revised annually or on major change.

1. Parties

This agreement is between [sibling names, in birth order], all adult children of [parent name].

2. Purpose

We agree to share the responsibility of caring for our parent, to make decisions together where possible, and to keep an honest, visible record of what each of us is contributing in time, money and decisions. We’re writing this down because we want our family relationships to still be good when this is over.

3. Decision-making

[Name] holds durable financial power of attorney and [name] holds healthcare power of attorney. Both will consult the other siblings before any major decision when time allows (anything irreversible, costing more than [$ amount], or changing where our parent lives).

Day-to-day decisions are made by whichever sibling is closest to the issue, with a note in the family chat so everyone knows.

4. Who does what

  • [Local sibling name]: hands-on care, aide coordination, pharmacy, appointments, in-person check-ins.
  • [Sibling name]: bills, insurance, benefits paperwork, financial POA administration.
  • [Sibling name]: medical research, specialist coordination, scheduling.
  • Visits: each sibling will visit at minimum [frequency], with longer stays coordinated so the local sibling gets at least one full week of respite per year.

5. How we split costs

We split caregiving costs using the [equal / proportional-by-income / hybrid] model. The agreed shares are:

  • [Sibling name]: [% share]
  • [Sibling name]: [% share]
  • [Sibling name]: [% share]

All caregiving-related expenses go into the shared tracker (we use [SplitKin / shared spreadsheet / other]). We settle up on the [1st / 15th / last day] of each month via Venmo/Zelle/bank transfer.

6. Compensation for the primary caregiver

[Delete this section if nobody is being paid for hands-on care.] Beyond the cost split above, [local sibling] will be paid [$ amount] per month in recognition of hands-on care hours. This amount reflects the value of care at local market rates and will be adjusted annually. See the IRS and your elder-law attorney about treating this as household-employee or caregiver-contractor income.

7. Communication

We will use a shared chat ([SplitKin circle / group text / channel]) for day-to-day coordination. All major decisions and changes go in that chat so there’s a record.

We will hold a 20-minute family meeting on the first [weekday] of each month to review the previous month, settle costs, and surface anything that needs more time.

8. Disagreements

When we disagree on something significant, we agree to name it out loud, write out our positions in the chat, and give it 24 hours before deciding. If we still disagree, we defer to the sibling with the relevant POA. For medical questions, we also consult [parent’s primary care doctor / geriatric care manager].

9. Renegotiation

This agreement is a working document, not a contract. We will review it on [parent’s birthday / anniversary of this document] each year, or sooner if any of the following happens:

  • Our parent’s level of care changes significantly.
  • Monthly caregiving cost crosses [$ amount].
  • Any sibling’s life circumstances change (new child, job change, major health issue).
  • Any sibling says they need to.

10. Signatures

We’re signing this because we agree with it today. We’ll keep signing new ones as it changes.

[Sibling name] _______________________ Date: _____________
[Sibling name] _______________________ Date: _____________
[Sibling name] _______________________ Date: _____________

How to actually use the agreement

A signed document in a drawer does nothing. What makes an agreement work is the monthly review:

  1. At the monthly family meeting, pull the agreement up on screen.
  2. Read Section 4 (who does what) and ask: does this still match reality? If not, update it before the next meeting.
  3. Review the expense log for the month. Confirm the split, confirm who sends what to whom.
  4. Note any decisions made in the previous month. Everyone agree they were made the right way.
  5. Flag any trigger from Section 9 that happened. Schedule renegotiation if needed.

Fifteen to twenty minutes a month. That’s it. Over three years of a parent’s declining care, that’s maybe twelve hours of meetings total · the cheapest insurance against sibling fallout you’ll ever buy.

When to get an attorney involved

For most families, this agreement is just a shared understanding and doesn’t need legal review. But do bring in an elder-law attorney if:

  • You’re paying one sibling for hands-on caregiving (Personal Care Agreements have specific tax and Medicaid implications).
  • Your parent may qualify for Medicaid in the next five years (money that moves between you now could affect eligibility · the five-year lookback).
  • There’s inherited property or significant assets involved.
  • One sibling disagrees with the agreement in a way that could lead to a legal dispute.

Let the agreement run itself in SplitKin.

Every decision, expense and task you log in your SplitKin circle maps directly to a section of this agreement. You can print the agreement from the data, not the other way around.

Have a question or a story you’d like to share? Email hello@splitkin.com · we read every note.